Love After Death
by LiveWireWulfie
Summary: chapter one ONLY song-fic chapter. As for the rest of the chapters...i gave up on that idea...PLEASE R&R! WARNING: SLASH!
1. Streets of Heaven

Hello God, it's me again. 2:00 a.m., Room 304.  
  
Visiting hours are over, time for our bedside tug of war.  
  
This sleeping child between us may not make it through the night.  
  
I'm fighting back the tears as she fights for her life.  
  
'I can't believe it. Amanda. I hold her one hand, an I.V. injected into a vein in her other.' "WHAT KIND OF GOD WOULD DO THIS!?! God, you have taken away the life I had, now you take away the love of my life! WHY should I go on? Is there a reason...?..." Kurt screamed as tears formed in his eyes. Before he realized it, those tears were flowing down his face.  
  
Well, it must be kind of crowded,  
  
On the streets of Heaven.  
  
So tell me: what do you need her for?  
  
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.  
  
But right now I need her so much more.  
  
She's much too young to be on her own:  
  
Barely just turned seven.  
  
So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?  
  
'What if she leaves me? What if God has abandoned me? What if the last thing I have left to live for dies as I hold her hand...?...'  
  
Tell me God, do you remember the wishes that she made,  
  
As she blew out the candles on her last birthday cake?  
  
She wants to ride a pony when she's big enough.  
  
She wants to marry her Daddy when she's all grown up.  
  
Kurt heard foot steps, but he did not want to turn around. There as no justification for his tears. She was still alive. So long as that goddamn beeping machine that told him her heart was still beating kept on beeping, he had no reason to cry.  
  
Well, it must be kind of crowded,  
  
On the streets of Heaven.  
  
So tell me: what do you need her for?  
  
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.  
  
But right now I need her so much more.  
  
She's much too young to be on her own:  
  
Barely just turned seven.  
  
So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?  
  
"Kurt..." Kitty said. "Kitty, please leave. Go back to the mansion." Kurt said through his tears. "No." Kitty said. She had made up her mind. 'Is she here for a reason?' Kurt thought. "WHAT!?!" Kurt still didn't turn around. His tears were taking over him.  
  
Lord, don't you know she's my angel  
  
You got plenty of your own  
  
And I know you hold a place for her  
  
But she's already got a home  
  
Well I don't know if you're listenin'  
  
But praying is all that's left to do  
  
So I ask you Lord have mercy, you lost a son once too  
  
"I said I'm not going to leave. Not without you." "What do you mean, 'not without me'? " "We have a new mission." Kurt finally turned around. His soft blue fur on his face has highly defined wet, salty lines. Kitty was confused, seeing someone who she had always known as strong crying freely. The machine stopped beeping. Hospital staff rushed to Amanda's room, ordering Kurt and Kitty out. Kurt fell to his knees, but his tears stopped flowing. He stood up and started walking towards the exit doors.  
  
And it must be kind of crowded,  
  
On the streets of Heaven.  
  
So tell me: what do you need her for?  
  
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.  
  
But right now I need her so much more.  
  
Lord, I know once you've made up your mind,  
  
There's no use in beggin'.  
  
So if you take her with you today, will you make sure she looks both ways,  
  
And would you hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven.  
  
"Has God abandoned me?" Kurt cried as he walked out of the hospital, Kitty following closely. "No. The lord is our shepherd, and one of his flock has become closer to him." Kitty told him. 


	2. Shout it Out

"How the Hell'd I wind up like this, unable to function, with the love of my LIFE dead!?! Now, Kitty by my side, I MUST go on. Then I think: 'Why bother?' I am insignfigant, like a seashell to the ocean. That's all I am, a seashell, washed ashore, constantly stepped on." Kurt muttered to himself as he walked through the garden outside of the mansion. "If I do go on, I MUST stand alone, I cannot rely on someone else to get me through this. The only person I trusted lies in a body bag at some funeral home that I'll never go to. WHO can accept me for who I am NOW!?! They ALL say they do! But....but...they DON'T!" he was near screaming. "Amanda, if you're up there...please...listen to me...I loved you, I still do...I'll never replace you. I may find other people, but...YOU...you will NEVER be matched, I should simply raise a white flag above my head now, surrendering to reality. The reality of you being dead. The reality of love leaving my life forever. The doubts that have entered my mind. Doubts of love. Doubts of God. It was never meant to be this way. You should still be alive. I should still be close to God. WHY have you left me!?! Did I do something WRONG!?! I was loyal. I told you I loved you. I'm glad I didn't propose to you, that would have added to the pain. I should have driven you home. Then I would be the one who died! Wait...you shouldn't be the one going through this much pain...I'd rather it be me that you. I don't know WHY I fell in love with you, ALL I KNOW IS THAT I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!" He howled unto the moonless skies. He sat down and held his head in his hands. No tears would come, as much as he thought they were supposed to...  
  
"No one knows why they fall in love. No one ever gets over the loss of a loved one. All that happens is reality, as hard as it is to accept." Logan said, sitting beside him.  
  
Kurt started crying softly.  
  
"Kurt, ya'know, others know what you're going through..."  
  
"YES! I'm not alone, blah de blah de BLAH! But you know what? It's HARD to keep that in mind when you've just lost someone!"  
  
"You don't need to loose someone physically to grieve."  
  
"Wha---?"  
  
"I just lost one of my best friends. Perhaps, the way my life is going, I just lost my only friend."  
  
"When?"  
  
"A few minutes ago."  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"I'm sorry, Logan...I'd hate to see you going through the pain I'm in."  
  
Logan put his arm around Kurt and pulled him close. Kurt sobbed, mourning over his loss, but wanting to correct Logan.  
  
"No, my friend, you haven't lost me."  
  
"So, for once, I was wrong?"  
  
"For once..." Kurt smiled through his tears.  
  
"How do you smile, when you're obviously in so much pain?"  
  
"For you, my friend, I will pull myself together." Kurt wanted to cry, but tried not to.  
  
"It's all right to cry. I never thought I'd hear myself say that, but I'm here, everything's going to sort itself out. It may not be fine, but it'll sort itself out..."  
  
The soft blue fur on Kurt's face soon had prominent wet lines showing, even in the dark of the night, although he made no sound. Logan pulled him closer.  
  
"Logan, listen..."  
  
Logan put a finger to Kurt's lips.  
  
"Thank you." Kurt relaxed his body, allowing himself to mold to Logan's form.   
  
"No problem."  
  
"Logan, do you believe in love?"  
  
"In the past no."  
  
"And now?"  
  
"I'm beginning to."  
  
"I used to believe in love. And then the one I thought I loved...dies...as I hold her hand..."  
  
"I can only imagine what that must be like, to be in love and loose that person forever."  
  
"Lemme guess, it's hard enough loosing your love for a few moments?"  
  
"Yes...how---?"  
  
Kurt put his finger to Logan's lips.  
  
"Lucky guess, my friend, lucky guess..."  
  
"I don't want you to..."  
  
"Get over her so soon?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I'll never be over her. I don't want another girl."  
  
"Then what DO you want?"  
  
"A guy."  
  
"A GUY?"  
  
"One like you."  
  
There was a silence between them unlike any other.  
  
"Kurt...I....I...."  
  
"I don't know what I'm doing either..." Kurt got up to walk away.  
  
Logan stood up as well.  
  
"No. That's not what I was about to say."  
  
Logan stepped in Kurt's way.  
  
"Oh, really now? Then WHAT did you WANT to say?" Kurt's voice was cold. But there was that subtle undertone of fear Logan had never heard from those lips before...  
  
"That I love you."  
  
"Logan...."  
  
"I'm sorry...it's too soon, isn't it? I shouldn't have said anything...you need your grieving time..."  
  
"No."  
  
"Wha---?"  
  
Kurt embraced Logan, nuzzling into his chest. Logan wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist.  
  
The previous silence had met it's match...  
  
TBC...I think... 


	3. First, Maybe Last

Part three in the trilogy of four  
  
Humor enters  
  
Not really...  
  
Nuzzled into Logan's chest, Kurt began to cry once more.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Your sent matches mine."  
  
"And what's wrong with that?"  
  
"You do love me..."  
  
"And what's wrong with that?"  
  
"I didn't know....you had a weak spot..."  
  
"Love is not a weak spot. Rather, it is the strongest thing you can ever encounter."  
  
"Not when love leaves you." Kurt said, breaking Logan's grip and walking away. "I love you, but I must be alone...for now...."  
  
Logan stood rooted to his spot for a second as he watched Kurt walk back towards the mansion. Tears formed in both of their eyes. Kurt's for Logan. Logan's for Kurt.  
  
Logan walked towards the garage.  
  
****~~~~****^^;  
  
"When the world lets you go, and you fall, love will pick you up..." Kurt said to himself.  
  
****~~~~****^^;  
  
"If you don't know what the problem is, don't fix it. But I KNOW what the problem is! It's Kurt. I love him, but that can't be right, as I don't think he loves me. What will the future hold?" Logan cried unto the night. He had prepared himself for a rant, but no waord would come. No tears would come. Only anger.  
  
He ran to the garage, faster than he knew he could run. He would leave for a few days, come back, and see if he still loved "his" Kurt.  
  
****~~~~****^^;  
  
Kurt teleported to the garage, before Logan could get there.  
  
****~~~~****^^;  
  
Logan could see soemthing, no, someONE standing in front of the garage. He stopped dead in his tracks.  
  
"WHOEVER YOU ARE COME AND GET ME! KILL ME WHILE YOU STILL HAVE THE CHANCE!!!" He screamed, louder than he could.  
  
Kurt teleported. He reappeared a few feet in front of Logan.  
  
"Now, my dear, tell me, WHY do I want to kill you?" Kurt smiled, his teeth glowing in the dark..  
  
"Because...I hurt you...and you hurt me...and I have no reason to live...anymore..."  
  
"If you have no reason reason to live, than nor do I..."  
  
"What do you mean, 'nor do i?'"  
  
"If you die, I follow you."  
  
"Why do such a stupid thing."  
  
"Because I love you."  
  
"Kurt...LISTEN to yourself..."  
  
"I've never heard myself clearer."  
  
"But...Amanda...you said you could never replace her..."  
  
"So, I was wrong." Both of their voices had become stone cold.  
  
"For once." Logan smiled a little, his tone softening a notch or two.  
  
"Tell me now, WHERE were you going and what were you going to do?"  
  
"Just leave."  
  
"Without your clothes?"  
  
"Only for a day of two..."  
  
"You're crazy. And why were you going to some back?"  
  
"To make sure I loved you."  
  
"Logan...."  
  
Logan stepped up to Kurt, putting his finger to Kurt's lips and pulling him in tightly.  
  
"Kurt?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Do shut up."  
  
Kurt looked hurt and confused. Upon seeing the look on Kurt's face, Logan smiled.  
  
"Why are you smiling?"  
  
"Didn't I just tell you to shut up?"  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"You still want to know why I'm smiling?"  
  
Kurt said nothing, he simply nodded his head.  
  
Logan smiled again. At this point, Kurt was getting nervous.  
  
Logan senced Kurt's feelings. To ease the tension, he kissed Kurt.  
  
It was Logan's roungh lips against Kurt's soft, virgin lips. Both of their tongues were rough.  
  
Kurt pulled away after a couple of seconds.  
  
"So, that's why you were smiling?" Kurt couldn't smile. He was too shocked to show emotion.  
  
"I...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to hurt you..." Logan studdered.  
  
"You didn't hurt me. Suprised me, yes. Hurt me, hell no." Kurt smiled, his body relaxing.  
  
"Kurt..."  
  
"Logan?"  
  
"What?"  
  
'My turn...' Kurt though, inserting his tongue into Logan's mouth.  
  
Niether of them pulled away.  
  
For a while.  
  
Finally, Logan pulled away.  
  
"Wha...what did I do wrong?"  
  
"Nothing. I couldn't breathe..." Logan smiled, holding Kurt tightly.  
  
"And what did I do to cause that? WHERE did I go wrong?"  
  
"Dude, second kiss, you can't do wrong..."  
  
"How...?"  
  
"Let's just say...I know you better than you think..."  
  
Kurt, his body still limp, nuzzled into Logan's chest once more.  
  
"I love you, Kurt."  
  
"And I you."  
  
TBC...again...and to think...this was going to be a one-shot... 


	4. FIN

Part four in the trilogy of four.  
  
(To all you Hitchhiker fans out there: that part sound familar?)  
  
Disc...finally...: I own nothing, except the strange ideas in my head...please don't take my ideassss......!~  
  
To pick up where I left off:  
  
"And I you." Those words came out of Kurts mouth in barely a whisper, but his words never spoke clearer to Logan.  
  
"Kurt, listen, if anyone else finds out..." Logan's voice hinted fear.  
  
"They'll just have to accept us."  
  
"Hm." Logan kissed Kurt's forehead. Kurt sighed.  
  
Logan broke free.  
  
"Kurt, listen...." Logan said firmly.  
  
"I see. You're SCARED! SCARED of loosing what you may not have had in the first place!" Kurt was practically screaming.  
  
"What I may not have---" Logan started. By that time, Kurt was running back towards the mansion.  
  
****~~~~****^^;  
  
Logan started back towards the garage once more.  
  
****~~~~****^^;  
  
Kurt, running faster than he ever had before, had only one mission in mind: Pack his bags and get the hell out of there. He wanted nothing to do with his past. He wanted to run away, something he had never done before.  
  
Run...run...run...all he wanted. He had always been the 'good little boy' his adoptive family loved and cared for. And then Amanda dies, and Logan comes along. Those kisses...he wanted to be kissed be Logan once more beofre he ran.  
  
****~~~~****^^;  
  
Logan started walking slower, he had no reason to go anywhere, now, except off a cliff. He had screwed up RATHER badly. He had caused Kurt pain.  
  
****~~~~****^^;  
  
Kurt turned around, running, running towards the garage. Teleporting didn't even come close to crossing his mind.  
  
..........  
  
Logan was in sight.  
  
****~~~~****^^;  
  
Logan heard foot steps, quick ones, behind him. He didn't bother to turn around. Who cared enough about him to stop him now, he figured?  
  
****~~~~****^^;  
  
Kurt caught up to Logan. Placing his three-fingered hand on Logan's shoulder.  
  
Logan stopped dead in his tracks, looking no where but the ground.  
  
"WHAT do you WANT!?!" he growled. "I'm not coming back. I'm not looking back. This is how it must be!"  
  
"I want to say I'm sorry. For yelling at you. For not accepting your fears. For not loving you as much as I want to."  
  
"Listen, Fuzzy, I DO love you! It's just...no one knows...about me being..."  
  
"And no one knows about how much I love you. But, in my opinion, they've either got to live it up and get through to us as true friends, or show their real selves..."  
  
"Fuzzy, I like that idea...but..."  
  
'Uh-oh...mien Logan is going to leave me...' Kurt thought.  
  
"...it's just that...I don't know if...I can live up to this..."  
  
Kurt slapped Logan across the face.  
  
"...I needed that..."  
  
"Yes, Logan."  
  
"And you love me?"  
  
"Yes, Logan."  
  
"And your nails are digging into my shoulder."  
  
"Yes, Logan."  
  
"WHY!?!"  
  
"Just making sure you don't go anywhere."  
  
"I wouldn't leave you."  
  
"You were about to."  
  
"Only for a little while...not forever..."  
  
FIN^.^! 


End file.
